hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
