if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
