So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
