This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
