Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
