my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
