He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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