I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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