he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
please come you make the beer taste better
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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