D3 body, D1 cock
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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