3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
