you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
