You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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