and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my liver is dry heaving
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
