I didn't shave. On purpose
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
