I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
