Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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