I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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