youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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