the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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