found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
two words: eviction party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
