Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
