im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
