hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
