Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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