fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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