I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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