I didn't shave. On purpose
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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