Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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