Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You ate ashes out of my bong
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
