some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
