I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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