I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.