I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER