Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.