Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."