dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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