Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i out mim tonsoeep
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