John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize