Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
