So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
