I just saw a hot homeless man
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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