Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry JadeSmooches hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(806): View more from Texas

Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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(235): View more from

I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

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(573): View more from Missouri

If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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(270): View more from Kentucky

my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool

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(714): View more from California

That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....

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(518): View more from New York

Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.

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(573): View more from Missouri

We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.

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