Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
