Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
