I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
