i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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