it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
