Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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