wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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