the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
