my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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