A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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