Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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