He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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