I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he fucked my hip out of place.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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