I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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