I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
