i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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