Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
