My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
