There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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