My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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