Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
