I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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