turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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