It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
